Started with Joy, Ended in Tears

There was such a beautiful feeling about today, I got up, connected with the big man, even read my bible. I felt good, peaceful, like today was going to be a great day. I listened to my ipod, felt inspired as I sat on the train, I even enjoyed my 20 minute walk into work in the frosty air. Today, I didn't mind that by the time that I got to work at 8am, I had already been up for 2 hours.

Throughout the course of the day I unfortunately just encountered disappointment after disappointment, through lack of support in senior management (I should just learn that lesson now), to a colleague just bluntly putting themselves before anyone else, to not getting offered a ride in the pouring rain, even though I am not well.

The things seem small and insignificant, but in my day they were significant and I'm finding that I constantly have to check my attitude because it is swiftly heading south.

I walked out of the office door after hanging around for 5 or so minutes all rugged up, with my coat on, to see if anyone would offer me a ride to the station, of which they did not. It gets dark at 4.30pm now, and by dark, I mean that it is pitch black, so by the time we leave work at 5.30 or 6pm, darkness has well and truly set in for the night. Today it was dark and raining and the last thing that I wanted to do was take my 20 minute walk down and then up the hill to the station.

I find that I constantly have to check my attitude when it comes to days like this, because there are over 30 staff at this school, half of which drive past the station and never once offer a ride. Actually, I retract that statement, I have been offered a ride a few times by a lady that drops me off at a close corner which is lovely. But then my mind goes 'Well, how hard would it be for you to drive around that corner and drop me outside the door? It would literally add 2 minutes onto her journey, and make mine much, much more pleasant' cos while it takes 2 minutes to drive there, it takes over 5 minutes to walk up the hill (in the rain).

SO I think she's selfish (not generous).

I think everyone is selfish (not generous) for not offering me a ride in the pouring rain, especially when I have this chesty/yucky/sore throat/husky voice thing going on.

Today was the type of heavy rain that your shoes flick up all the water to the back of your trousers.

So I sat on the tube and the bus soaked all over for my hour long journey home, freezing cold because no one offered me a ride, and I cried about it.

Yip, I did. I cried, walking all the way from school to the station.

Thinking about people and how much they frustrate me, how much disappointment I got in just today, how selfish people are, how much it hurts me when people are not generous...and...how much disappointment I'm feeling about my friends (which, I think is clearly the real, underlying hurt here).

I really believe that I am a good friend. I'm a crap friend too, but for the most part, I am a good friend. I believe in my friends, I value them, I place them high in my regard, I encourage them and I lift them up in prayer, I back them when sometimes nobody else does, I believe that they are good, that they intend good, that they are beautiful, that they are gifted and unique and they have insights, wisdom and experiences to share and impart into my life. I value their opinion and what they say, I believe in their future, in their dreams, in their desires and in their plans and I will never discourage something that is in their heart. I try to only speak life into them, and watch my words. I correct and challenge those that have allowed me to in our relationship, and all out of love for them, to see them grow, to see their lives move forward, and their thinking challenged. I speak highly of them around other people and watch what I say so that I never bring them down and so other people will hold them in high regard as well.

It is hard being this type of friend. It is very intentional, and it is the way that I have chosen to live out of the conviction of my own heart. I know that I am human and I am well aware of my faults and that this sometimes is not the most accurate picture of me, but it is what I aspire to.

But right now I am finding it really hard because I don't feel it reciprocated by many of the people that I consider to be close to me. Where are the people that believe in, encourage and lift me up? Where are my beautiful friends who whole-heartedly believe in me and my dreams and my future and who tell me? Where are the people who, when I am weak, lift me up in prayer? Where are the people that are generous with their time, their resources and their words?

Please, just be generous today...what ever that may look like. Because, when you're generous, I know that you love me, and that you value me.

Uganda + BidOnMe + Hillsong

Words cannot describe the amount of appreciation and admiration that I have for people in my life and world right now.

In December, there will be a team of us going to Uganda to work with an organisation called Watoto. Watoto is a non profit organisation that cares for orphan children in Uganda. Building villages and raising future leaders.

I absolutely love and believe in the vision that Watoto carry, by placing orphaned children in family homes, with brothers, sisters and a mum, and in functional communities that cater for all their needs. The children are raised in a family environment, and for some of these children with the devastation that they have faced in their young lives, it has literally saved them over and over again.

As part of our trip, we will be building a new family home so that 8 children and a Ugandan mum can live with shelter, food, education, clean water and a life, with a community of people that believe in them. We will also be helping in the babies home in Kampala, which is specifically designed to care for children aged 0-2.

For this trip, we needed at least 15,000 British Pounds (US$25,000) to cover the costs of all of the building materials and local labour - we will pay wages to the men and woman that build with us, and for some of them, it will be the only income in the month that they receive, and they travel many miles to get there.

On Friday night we held a BidOnMe fund raising event, where people auctioned off their skills, expertise and many more things. We raised an astonishing 20,000 Pounds. We not only raised that money, but through an incredible side-track, we managed to sponsor 110 children from our church to go on an outing to Lego Land, these children were from single parent families, or through other circumstances couldn't afford to go, and will remember the generosity of people as they get to enjoy Lego Land with their friends on Saturday. The atmosphere of people being generous and beautiful was thick, and it touched me to my very core. I am still so overwhelmed with the beautiful spirit in which people gave. Every time I think about it, I think how incredible our God is. The goal seemed so big and so far away, but in just one night we raised over and above what we needed. The beautiful thing is that, the more we raise, the more they receive, and the more houses can be built, and the more a nation can be changed and restored.

On Sunday, our Pastor got up at church and just shared how much we raised, and how much we as a church believe in what Watoto do, and then added another 20,000 Pounds to our fund raising as a gift from the church!

WOW...talk about being overwhelmed already - that just tipped me over.

So here I am, absolutely amazed at the people in my world, at my church and ultimately at God. For something that didn't seem possible, it has become more than reality, and for that I will never be the same again. The way that I think will never be the same, the way that I pray will never be the same, and the way that I view people will never be the same. I have learned that people can be generous beyond comprehension when they have a valid cause to give to.

I know that this cause is literally changing the lives of every single person that encounters it, whether it is through something like I will be doing, building, going to a fund raising event, or where it personally changes the circumstance of your life like it does so many men, woman and children in Uganda. This is not just a cause, this is not just a humanitarian feel good activity...this is truly God breathed and carries the very heart of God at the centre.

The important thing is that we're not stopping here. Why would we? There are children to be clothed, fed, schooled and lives to be changed.

Come on guys...let's get moving. I know that anything is possible.

Proverbs 11v24 (MSG)

"The world of the generous gets larger and larger;

the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller."

http://www.watoto.com/