Injury Ladened and Still Excuses

3 weeks since I snapped my achilles tendon at an early Monday morning Crossfit class. The week was going to start out normal, Monday 6am class just like normal then head to work, instead ended with an ambulance to the ER just 15 minutes after starting.

I was in the last round of sprints and side steps in the warm up, my body was warm and my heart was pounding but I guess the load and force exceeded what my still cool tendon could handle. My coach heard the bang, like a gunshot I'm told, I heard the bang too but didn't know if it was in my head or not. I plummeted immediately to the ground. I knew the instant that I fell that I ruptured it, that I would opt into the surgical repair and that I would be 'out' for probably a lot of the year.

After a few hours in the hospital I was sent home with a fibre glass cast and told that I would be called for surgery so had to fast from 10pm every day until I heard otherwise. I got the call on Thursday and had the surgery to stitch my tendon back together. Recovery was fine, although there was some pain induced shaking on wake up which was quite strange. Spent the night with hourly obersvations in the ward with 5 others including a drug addict that got admitted at midnight and the obligatory snorers. Needless to say I didn't get any sleep, not helped at 4am when one of them pooped the bed. Public hospitals.

I am thankful though - socialised medicine. I haven't paid a cent. Not one. And I won't have to. I get my full salary while on the couch and all these handy little things to help in my recovery like this knee scooter. Since I can't drive for 3 months, I may also get the use of a hand controlled car to make my transition back to work easier.

Isn't that nifty? I'm so excited because it means that I don't have to be so house-bound. I can pop over to the supermarket or down to the coffee shop. One outing definitely wore me out though. I blame the anaesthetic and not the fact that I haven't used my muscles in 3 weeks. 

I'm starting to feel a lot more like myself. I stopped taking the Codeine and Tramadol pretty quickly as it was playing all sorts of tricks on me. Just taking some less intense doses of drugs when I need it, sometimes it feels like it balloons for no real reason but I guess it will figure itself out shortly. I even think the anaesthetic is beginning to leave my system and for the first time since surgery I have slept more normal in the last 2 nights - going to bed and waking up at more functional human times. It feels good to get back on track, finally. 

The moonboot got put on this week, it felt good to get out of the heavy post surgical cast, but this is still very much uncomfortable. And I have 2 pair of pants that fit over it so pyjamas are still my number one choice. 

The doc says I'm still not allowed to remove it for 4 weeks. I have to treat it like a cast. I don't really know the point in the moonboot if it's just the same treatment as a cast? I have, of course, taken it off though to relieve me of some restriction for a few minutes and to let my leg breathe. It feels good. 

I titled this 'Injury Ladened and Still Excuses' because since I've been on the couch I know I should be more productive, I should write more, I should blog more since I haven't been doing that at all lately and of course I should spent more time reading and studying. 

I'm not entirely sure what my excuses are for not doing those things. It requires effort that I guess I can't give just yet. I'll continue to blame the anaesthetic. Honestly, I can't even watch the tv because that requires too much as well. I just sit, I don't even think, just sit. I also get to talk to my handsome boyfriend which perks up my day 100%. 

My hope is that as I begin to feel more like myself that I would do these things that I always find every excuse under the sun to not do. 

It's going to start with push ups from my knees. Drop and give me 20. 

Imagine That.

I know it's been forever since I wrote, but this has very much been on my mind and heart so thought I'd share it. 

I guess I've been thinking a lot about the potential and what we, us, as mere humans, can create...

Imagine a place where you attend, where you participate and where there is freedom for God to move. Where people are not selfish in their desires and enter with an open mind. Imagine a place where people leave their intentions at the door and their preferences and go with an open heart to receive from people and God. Imagine walking into a door where people are glad to see you, and you're glad to see them. Imagine sharing a meal with people you actually like regardless of the choices they make because you've chosen to love as Christ does, pure and blameless, holding no inequities over them and looking at them with unobstructed lenses. Imagine laughing and your kids laughing and enjoying the spirit and atmosphere of the place and people that they, in collaboration with God, create. Imagine a place where you are free to cry and someone comes and puts an arm around you. They don't need to say anything, they're just there. If you want to share you can, if you don't then you don't. They put their hand on you and pray blessings and honour into your life where you feel crushed and burdened and you can't breathe. Imagine another person embracing someone because they're celebrating. Imagine a place where those things exist - the community that God intends for us. The kingdom of God in its fullness, everyone participating and being free to be themselves in Christ. Everyone taking up a part because it is natural and feels good and right. Imagine a place where everyone is celebrated and appreciated for their gifts and strengths, and where people feel they can practise love, kindness, gentleness, self control and all the other fruits of the spirit. And when they get it wrong, or mess up a little then people don't condemn but spur them on and come alongside. Imagine a place where the message that is shared is embraced, thought about, prayed for and mulled over. Imagine inviting the message and God into your life for the week to change you and make you new. No matter how simple it seems, that everyone comes with an attitude of openness to hear something new from Christ. Imagine a place where forgiveness is practised and through practising forgiveness we are able to fully embrace Christs forgiveness in our own lives. Imagine a place where we get to see God move without limits. Imagine a place where miracles and mercies flow every moment. 

Now imagine a place that people don't like each other. That everyone attends with their own agendas. And when their agendas don't get met, they get pissed and leave. Imagine a place where we sing to Christ but its not good enough because it didn't come 'out of a pure heart' or 'didn't sound good this week'. Imagine a place where people criticise each other based on them not 'working or doing' good enough. Imagine a place where people criticise what is being spoken instead of embracing the truth of the message that is shared - no matter how it is presented. Imagine people thinking that others aren't good enough Christians because they're not on the same seeking journey as them. Imagine knowing that someone is annoyed with you when you turn up to church but there is not the forgiving environment where you can sort it out. Imagine a place where forgiveness is not practised. Imagine a place where bitterness and selfishness reign rather than the fruits of the spirit. Imagine a place where people pick and choose what they want to participate in, what they can be bothered doing, what they think is valuable and casting judgement on the rest. 

I'm not saying its easy. But I am saying its a choice. I'm not preaching from the converted but I'm coming from a place of working on it too. My finger, it likes to point and it likes to blame but I know I have many areas that I need grace, help and love in. 

So what are you going to choose? You have the power to choose life over death, freedom over shackles and the kingdom over darkness. It's all a choice. Not an easy one, but one that will change you to be more like Christ and in turn, the people around you. 

Imagine that.