Living Like I Never Have

How good is it when you figure out that you actually love your life?

I am singing.

I am dancing.

I am smiling.

I am enjoying.

I am happy.

There have been too many years wasted in my life where I have not loved it, there have been parts that I have loved, but I could never say that I love my life...I have realised in the last two weeks that I love my life.

I don't just love it because it is easy, if anything, it has been the farthest from easy since being back in London. I am writing this (still!) from my friends floor where I have a blow up mattress and am borrowing everything. I have no money, but after 2 weeks of solidly applying for jobs, I secured one at a school which is over an hour away - which again has been intense with everything that beginning a classroom in a foreign country, without my multitudes of resources that I have taken for granted on so many occasions, entails. I love it though, I love that even though I am here and have to settle back in to London life and push friendships and boundaries and step out of my comfort zone relationally everyday and be very intentional about what I do because of so many reasons, that I am undoubtedly in the right place. There is a knowing, a deep, beautiful knowing.

And I can safely say that I love my life...which, I think that you got the picture by this point.

I feel privileged to be in this position and I am not taking it for granted in any way because I know that in just a snap of a finger, a small change of circumstance can swing you to the opposite end of the pendulum, but, I think it is much deeper than just circumstantial.

I feel like I know who I am, I feel like I know where I am going (which, really I don't, but I feel secure about the future) and I feel like there is purpose and drive to my life.

There is a reason why I was created. I am not an accident, I am not some unfortunate event of an evolutionary process, I am the very product of the breath and life of God, placed here for such a time as this.

I feel alive. I feel free. I feel like me.