What I wrote on my first night in Uganda

I'm lying on my bed, under a full blown mosquito net with the fan blowing sweet, cool air around the room. It is 12.17 in the morning and I am having a very real, but very surreal moment all in one.

I am in Africa.

The flight was massive, we had a 12 hour layover in Amsterdam which was amazing, and now, around 32 hours after I left home, I am in a place so foreign, so opposite, but yet feels so comfortable.

All of my western worldliness has already been challenged and I have only been in the country for a few hours. After getting through airport security with minimal hassle, we were met by 3 Watoto workers, one who was cuddling a sweet, tiny baby named John-Mark. This little guy already has quite the story to tell, left nameless and abandoned at a hospital at a very small and premature weight of 1.2kg, he was rescued by Watoto and driven back to the main city of Kampala on a 5 hour journey. While on the journey back, the car broke down and it was hours before they could get it fixed, fighting for his life and meant to be in an incubator, John-Mark pulled through and now is doing really well at Bulrushes baby home in Kampala.

Talk about being smacked right in the face about the reality of living life here in Uganda from the outset of this trip.

Once the boys got all our gift bearing suitcases and boxes in the van, we opened the door and my immediate reaction was ‘Where’s the baby seat?’ to which, ‘we’re in Africa now!’ was the answer. Reality check number two and we hadn’t even left the car park. So I jumped in and pretended to be ok about this little guy not having a car seat, and soon forgot about all the western-ness of my thinking as we took the hour long journey back into Kampala.

As we were driving and listening and taking in all the sights and smells of Uganda, streets were buzzing with activity and people, lined with little shacks selling everything that you can think of. Street vendors and restaurants that we would not even consider for a moment to eat at, had people buzzing around them. Shacks that sold all things wooden, where beds and shelves were literally stacked on top of one another on the side of the road, refrigerators as well, lined the streets.

So this is my first impressions of Africa, have already challenged my way of thinking and living and struck me to my very core, I am preparing to be royally messed up.

Hold your breath - it gets better

A whole new world

Don't you dare close your eyes

A hundred thousand things to see

Hold your breath - it gets better

I'm like a shooting star

I've come so far

I can't go back to where I used to be

A whole new world

Every turn a surprise

With new horizons to pursue...

Let me share this whole new world with you

Trust Disney to make a theme song with such great lyrics. I've had this song in my head for days and I love it, not because I listen to it often (but I do admit it's on my ipod) but because it's like a little promise from my sweet God to me...hold your breath, it gets better.

I know it gets better.

I have dreams that are better and bigger and way beyond what I can even imagine now.

Uganda - it was a dream, and in 3 days, it is becoming reality. Wow.

I can't wait for God to share this whole new world with me...

And I know that I can never go back to where I used to be.

Much more than Arithmetic

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."

-Eric Hoffer

I am thankful for the people who enter my life

I am thankful for friends who encourage, support and love me even when I don't deserve it

I am thankful for family who always are by my side

I am thankful for my sister who has sweetly revealed that she can't live without me

I am thankful for my family in America who lovingly speak truth to me

I am thankful for my friend who has good intentions of sending me a package

I am thankful for my cousin and her babies that I call my nephew and niece, and even though I am on the other side of the world, I lift them to Jesus daily

I am thankful that people have invited me into their journey of life, what ever that looks like for them now, it is a privilege to be on it with them

I am thankful for my job which is challenging but is allowing me to grow personally and professionally

I am thankful that I am privileged enough to be in London and on this life adventure

I am thankful that I am going to Uganda in a week and getting to go where I have only dreamed

I am thankful that I have the resources, time, and freedom to be able to do incredible things like go to Uganda

I am thankful that I have lived and learned and experienced so much already in my short 26 years

I am thankful for my warm, beautiful house and my lovely housemates who are a joy to live with

I am thankful for the simple things that I take for granted like food and water

I am thankful that it is chilly but sunny outside and that the leaves are pretty colours

I am thankful for today and that it is a new day with new mercies

I am thankful that one day an inspiring friend set me on a path to discover Jesus

I am thankful that Jesus embraced me and has never let go

I am thankful that I have an incredible hope and a future, and that I can trust in that

I am thankful that I have gifts and a uniqueness that I can offer the world

Friends, I am thankful, and I am trying to master this arithmetic.

*edit - I am thankful for Horndog who sends me emails that make me laugh*

Started with Joy, Ended in Tears

There was such a beautiful feeling about today, I got up, connected with the big man, even read my bible. I felt good, peaceful, like today was going to be a great day. I listened to my ipod, felt inspired as I sat on the train, I even enjoyed my 20 minute walk into work in the frosty air. Today, I didn't mind that by the time that I got to work at 8am, I had already been up for 2 hours.

Throughout the course of the day I unfortunately just encountered disappointment after disappointment, through lack of support in senior management (I should just learn that lesson now), to a colleague just bluntly putting themselves before anyone else, to not getting offered a ride in the pouring rain, even though I am not well.

The things seem small and insignificant, but in my day they were significant and I'm finding that I constantly have to check my attitude because it is swiftly heading south.

I walked out of the office door after hanging around for 5 or so minutes all rugged up, with my coat on, to see if anyone would offer me a ride to the station, of which they did not. It gets dark at 4.30pm now, and by dark, I mean that it is pitch black, so by the time we leave work at 5.30 or 6pm, darkness has well and truly set in for the night. Today it was dark and raining and the last thing that I wanted to do was take my 20 minute walk down and then up the hill to the station.

I find that I constantly have to check my attitude when it comes to days like this, because there are over 30 staff at this school, half of which drive past the station and never once offer a ride. Actually, I retract that statement, I have been offered a ride a few times by a lady that drops me off at a close corner which is lovely. But then my mind goes 'Well, how hard would it be for you to drive around that corner and drop me outside the door? It would literally add 2 minutes onto her journey, and make mine much, much more pleasant' cos while it takes 2 minutes to drive there, it takes over 5 minutes to walk up the hill (in the rain).

SO I think she's selfish (not generous).

I think everyone is selfish (not generous) for not offering me a ride in the pouring rain, especially when I have this chesty/yucky/sore throat/husky voice thing going on.

Today was the type of heavy rain that your shoes flick up all the water to the back of your trousers.

So I sat on the tube and the bus soaked all over for my hour long journey home, freezing cold because no one offered me a ride, and I cried about it.

Yip, I did. I cried, walking all the way from school to the station.

Thinking about people and how much they frustrate me, how much disappointment I got in just today, how selfish people are, how much it hurts me when people are not generous...and...how much disappointment I'm feeling about my friends (which, I think is clearly the real, underlying hurt here).

I really believe that I am a good friend. I'm a crap friend too, but for the most part, I am a good friend. I believe in my friends, I value them, I place them high in my regard, I encourage them and I lift them up in prayer, I back them when sometimes nobody else does, I believe that they are good, that they intend good, that they are beautiful, that they are gifted and unique and they have insights, wisdom and experiences to share and impart into my life. I value their opinion and what they say, I believe in their future, in their dreams, in their desires and in their plans and I will never discourage something that is in their heart. I try to only speak life into them, and watch my words. I correct and challenge those that have allowed me to in our relationship, and all out of love for them, to see them grow, to see their lives move forward, and their thinking challenged. I speak highly of them around other people and watch what I say so that I never bring them down and so other people will hold them in high regard as well.

It is hard being this type of friend. It is very intentional, and it is the way that I have chosen to live out of the conviction of my own heart. I know that I am human and I am well aware of my faults and that this sometimes is not the most accurate picture of me, but it is what I aspire to.

But right now I am finding it really hard because I don't feel it reciprocated by many of the people that I consider to be close to me. Where are the people that believe in, encourage and lift me up? Where are my beautiful friends who whole-heartedly believe in me and my dreams and my future and who tell me? Where are the people who, when I am weak, lift me up in prayer? Where are the people that are generous with their time, their resources and their words?

Please, just be generous today...what ever that may look like. Because, when you're generous, I know that you love me, and that you value me.

The Giving of Thanks...

On Saturday night, I had a Thanksgiving dinner at my house and welcomed around 16 people here. We had a great time eating Turkey, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and other goodies. It is an amazing celebration that I have been able to share with my American friends over the last few years, and since I was not in the States I just wanted to be thankful for the people that I call family here in London. We had a tree that we decorated with leaves of thankfulness, and I asked each person to write a thing or two that they're thankful for. It ended up being such a beautiful celebration, and a real way that we could count (and see) our blessings and our friends blessings. so I wanted to share a few of the things that were written:

I am thankful for my awesome jobs, wonderful friends being in London and my BIG God.

I am thankful for a great year, wonderful people that I share it with and a great holiday ahead.

I'm thankful for my friends, my family and my church, as well as the gifts JC has hooked me up with.

I am thankful for God choosing me to do and share his work. I am thankful for Him not letting me go in the past and I am thankful for my family abroad and so so thankful for my new family here.

I am thankful that God has transformed my life and and future and that I have hope.

I am thankful for my health.

Those are just a few of the beautiful things written, and for the most part, written by people that are here, away from their families, making and starting a new life. It's because of church and connection with Jesus that these people are in my life and in each others lives. We are so thankful that we have people to trust in, rely on, laugh with, cry with, be mad with, have fun with, to pick us up, to hug and be there for us through thick and thin, and especially so important as our families are on the other side of the world.

I just wanted to share that precious night with you as I sit here the next morning, in my clean lounge because people washed up the dishes for me, because I sit here just pondering how amazing our God is.