Kick in the Right Direction.

The kick up the bum that I so deserve. It has been a long time coming. I have sensed it somewhere in the depths of my heart that I have been choosing to ignore. I have felt the gentle (not!) tugging at me to get my crap sorted out, then a couple of weeks ago all the building and leading got too much and I had to share something with precious people that I had been hiding under a bowl for a very, very long time. Then this last week I went to a conference and the resounding word that came out of it was 'study'. Study, study, study. As if I didn't know already that I needed to. I have been slack in my following of Jesus, I have been slack in what I do with my time and it has been going on for a long while. Sure, I love Him. I follow Him, I breathe and speak Him, but sadly, confessing-ly, it has been nothing but religious banter because I have not STUDIED. Shesh. Kick, Up, The, Bum. It has really caused me to reflect again on who I am. What I'm doing, where I'm going, my place in the world, and to seriously consider the answer to those questions.   One of my colleagues accused me of being 'gifted' today. As in the type that teachers label as 'gifted and talented'. I hate that label, and I refuse to use it, and hate it even more when parents come to me telling me that they have a gifted child. Yes, we get it, you love your child, you think it is the most precious thing on the planet, but seriously? Gifted? He eats paper and makes farting sounds on his arm. NOT gifted. I am the epitome of the saying 'Jack of all Trades'. I guess that's why I'm a primary school teacher - I can do many things averagely which is a good thing for my job. I think I am anything but gifted. But this is what I do know: Words plague me at midnight and I have to write like its an obsession that I can't get off my brain until it is satisfied; my desperate need for change is something greater than my constant (fleshy) boredom; my global obsessions are purposed; and that my expectations far exceed what is possible. Those are character traits that make me who I am. I can't imagine why it is needed in this world, but for some reason God packaged me up in a not so neat or little frame and gave me life. I can't imagine what it is like to be God. I don't even want to pretend that I understand because it will just be offensive. But what I do know is that it is an absolute privilege to know His unending love and grace. I guess it's my turn to once again start taking that seriously and start not only being thankful (which we all do so well when things are going great!) but proactive, forward thinking, believing, and preparing. So, for the remainder of the year I am going to set up my lifestyle of study. I am going to study a theme - GRACE. I will read all there is to read on grace in the Word, and in blogs and in books. Does anyone want to join me on this crusade? I endeavor to not just be a consumer and to get serious.